Chekhov's Mistress

Have You Heard This One?

by Bud Parr

Man walks into a bar. 10 Years later he has a three year old son and twins on the way.

You heard it here first. Well, maybe you didn’t, but I’m telling you now that sporadic posting here may be the norm for a while. It’s absurd really: two little seven (?) pounders stand the world on end and burn credit cards like an extra minute in the microwave. Of course, they’re not even born yet, but they’ve taken over my wife’s body to the extent she’s little more than a vessel – a very large one at that, she wouldn’t mind me telling you – and she can barely move. Passersby offer to call 911 for her and are shocked a little bit to hear she still has many weeks to go. In fact, they’re so big that I’d swear one of them is standing up in there and when they move you can see her skin literally crawl. I’m not even convinced they’re human. In the ultrasound they look like catfish begging for breadcrumbs – I guess that’s their hearts – but the ultrasound techs talk to them as though they’re old friends so I guess there are babies in there and not fish or extra-terrestrials.

In the meantime, my three-year old started Pre-K at the big boy school, p.s. 29. What a delight that is. I dropped him off this morning and there were no less than four sobbing little munsters in his class with one wailing his head off (the rest of the kids act like they don’t notice) and the teacher still can’t pronounce my son’s name a week into this. I’m already exasperated when I walk out of the classroom and there’s another little munster screaming and puking his head off in the hallway (welcome to your future, Richard).

If I sound less than excited about the prospect of having more children it’s only because I still can’t believe there’s room to love another child with the constant intensity that I feel for my son. That and of course I’m just a little exhausted. Somebody’s got to pay for all this stuff so I’m working my dairy arse off. You would think from all the activity that the Queen’s coming to tea. We’re buying unconstructed furniture that has to be constructed, new car seats (still holding out on buying a car and I just can’t do a minivan there’s no way I’d be able to parallel park the thing), double everything, more of everything.

So I do intend to keep posting and I also hope to get some other writers in here too, as I mentioned a while back. The truth is, this blog, or really more like the people surrounding it (that’s you) have always been a nice touch of sanity and connection to something I love, so even if it’s not always a priority to post, it is indeed important to moi. And you know, whenever I’ve written here that I won’t be posting for a while I end up doing more rather than less. We’ll see.

posted September 10, 2007

comments

Congratulations on the continued grand adventure!

    – erin (09/10  at  10:13 AM)


I am familiar with everything you just wrote.  My newest is approaching three months old.  I agree that this whole business is a connection to sanity, and feel gratitude as well.

Hang in there.

    – Matthew Tiffany (09/10  at  10:52 AM)


Very exciting—just don’t forget to let us know when the big event happens! 

Maybe you need to buy your son’s teacher a book of poetry so she can learn these names.

    – Levi (09/10  at  11:26 AM)


This makes me think many, many things, of course, but mostly I just send all of you big love and all best wishes.

I walked around feeling vaguely guilty for about a year about #2: I loved her, but did I love her enough? Now that she’s 16 months old, I am amazed at the way my attachment to her and love for her has blossomed. I LOVE pre-K and daycare--without them, I wouldn’t be here--but boy do I adore those girls!!!

xxx--Anne

    – Anne Fernald (09/10  at  01:27 PM)


Congratulations!  Wonderful news—all the best to your wife.

    – Dorothy W. (09/10  at  06:00 PM)


Congratulations to you both--sounds like you keep them in until they’re well-done.  Maybe just a tad bit longer and they’ll go straight into pre-K, though I don’t think your wife would take to this idea very well.

Do let us know when and what and all so we can cheer you on.

And don’t worry about keeping up the weblog, though it may be a good place to let off some of that “enthusiasm” now and then between diapers and we promise to understand.

    – susan (09/11  at  01:55 PM)


What an exhausting time for you all. Best wishes and take care of yourselves, including some fine reading, writing and music.
Bud, my youngest was once a mewling kindy boy too. He was the only one in his bunch, and a serial offender. Peculiar, I think he would have gone quite happily to school with his sisters - but kinder on his own? no way.

As a wise woman said to me many years ago, ‘This too will pass’. Well, not exactly quickly, of course, but it will, so here’s happy endings and beginnings to us all.

    – Genevieve (09/19  at  12:21 AM)


A little late to the party with my congratulations, but hey, I’m a mother of twins and something has to give!

Do you know yet if they’re identical or not?  Either way it’s a wonderful, wonderful blessing (though your wife may not immediately appreciate it, if, like me, her waist measurement stretched to 1.1 metres pre-delivery!) My girls are about to be ten and I’m (almost) nostalgic for those early days.  And don’t worry, the love expands to fill the space.  Shame that time can’t be as flexible.

    – Sandra (09/20  at  05:58 PM)


Thank you Sandra, and thank you all! I’ll be sure to post here the outcome of our grand event, which could happen anytime between now and the next three weeks. (And, Sandra, they’re fraternal)

    – Bud Parr (09/21  at  09:58 AM)


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